pessimistic

being a little over negative.
i remember i ever thinking about to be a psychologist
i wanna know what ppl think
i hope i can read their mind so i 'd know what exactly i should do.

but then,
i cant understand myself pun
when i was calm, i told myself to think more positive.
we must have hope , believing s something we must do to obtain hope.
but when i getting alone and the emo thingthing fills up
there i go being pessimistic again
as in very !

there r a few times i think i do need visit a psychologist
its a bit kua zhang but seriously i think i need one .
mayb just someone who can guide me to the positive path
maybe frens ? a VERY optimistic friend to tahan my VERY negative tot.

i found that my lack of security really spoiled me lots.
i always ask for attention so that i'd know if there s someone who care for me
i asking far much for a care until its not very reasonable
no care = no love
what i used to thought
fore i believe, if someone loves u much, they are willing to do anything just to make u smile
its a official statement in the love cycle
but still, he claim that im too over.

tsk

i always act like a hedgehog(googled) to attack ppl 1st to prevent them from hurting me
i care my own feeling but i forgot to think of their feeling too
judge them using my unique point of view which make things not so right
somemore i hoping them would stand of my side trying to understand how lack of security i am
i do stand of their side to think for them for 'awhile', i know how it hurts when i was attacking
but still, it seems like i just wan myself to be the 1st priority of dem
i wan myself to be protected well from being hurt
selfish me

i need love i need care
im asking for more when i have both of them
meanwhile this act is just pushing both these love and care far away from me
when they are away, there goes my emo again
i hate this but i cant control

cool headed now allowed me to speak all this .
allowed me to see what i need to see
allowed me to understand im so wrong to behave this way
i know i 'll try to change for peoples that i love
for people that i wanted to have their love back
its not going to be success immediately, need time tho
bear with me a little
coz my stupidbestfren named Emo sure gonna find me when im down down down
when that moment
tears are going to fall like no tmr
really sad dao can die


so

what can i do ?

suggestion ?

sorry,
for whom i reali hurt you lots.
sincerely