stupid world

hello stupid world .
still super hard to imagine that ppl can change that fast in a night .
but , 事实摆在眼前面 .
obviously , im just being stupid believing that everything is getting better .
everything will be cool if i just ignored it and let it be .
no , it gets worst instead .


im not being mean .
its just funny ~


what if . someone . lied . in front of you . and you . said . okiedokie ~ pretends that you buy that . and . their story go further . and further . because . one lie is never enough to cover . u need , more lies !


and u just sit there . see their faces . SHO dramatic . wtf ?


yesterday , u were angry at me . telling everyone my attitude sucks . today ~ u want me tong qing you . saying how worst ur situation was . coz u needed my help , my sympathy , to support you . thats SHO cool !


you dont need to do that you know ?
what i want s simple . treat me nicely , sincerely , truly , dont find me cos you needed me , when you are bored , when you wanna know something .
even colleagues can be real frens .
its not like we gonna fight to death to win the salary .


why make things so difficult ?
i can understand if its the racism blahs . then go on ! dont come to me pretend that we are good , no we are not ! im hating myself for smiling back at you .


为什么周边的人都要做这种事？
到底是他们有问题 ，还是我个人的问题？
想不通 ==

the last time it happened . it turned out to be a lied and the feeling hurts so bad
i hope this is not happening again

feeling insecure about it


...

today

i really don't know whether if its a right choice to have faith
witnessed it , felt it .

today =)

fml

i just wanna be a normal worker who takes salary every month . sometimes increment because i've done a good job or perform well . 


i dont wanna be so important , i dont wanna handle such a BIG thing .
i cannot and also i dont wanna be that much responsible for anything .


i dont wanna take over when there s actually no ppl willing to teach me all what they knew with some colleagues which is not cooperate at all . i do mine u do urs , u cant do , ur dai ji , i do wrong , u gao dim that kind .


when anything happens . everyone said dont know and assumed that they had taught me / told me / informed me / or even passed it to me . 
i no likey seriously .


something big happens .


i ~ issued that bloody thing , told by my direct boss and was informed not to inform other ppl .
yea its my fault being so careless
its my fault to totally fgt about it never thought it would lead to so BIG deal 
but , what about them . 
when the thing was in their tray for over weeks and no one wanna ask about it because , its not their shit . they knew that , if anything happens or if someone ask , they'd have say its my job .


im stressed .
because of these , because of them , because of everyone , me alone kena scold till luput
i dont understand why izit only my fault just because im being a head which dont know nothing and dont have any right .


no ppl listen to me , im chinese , im young , they are united cz they are same race . they wouldnt listen to me neither my order claiming they are busy all the time when one keep on busy on the phone msging the fiance and another busy with the ipodtouch eng eng bo dai ji because she is the tao keh moi , ask her do work need see her mood lagi . siok no ?


im not putting the blames on the others .
just that it was so hard to continue working in this kind of situation .
i've never done this big thing bcz i dont know it all 
but the boss just expect and want me to done it perfect and flawless .


its impossible 
if , u think im too naive for it .
u actually can pass it back to ur precious assistant who has work 10years for you and with so much experienced .
dont expect too much from me please . 
im not that good and capable and experienced as u expected


im sorry . but too , fuck your life ~

emo momo

when you've got no one , when you've got no choice

im home

im home , like after so long .

not that long but still long

tmr s monday and imma get back to work 

and im stress , like super stress

i dont know what im talking bout but yeaa , im stress

got bit yu wu lun ci but i just trying to say 

im really stress and i dont want to work

thinking bout going back to work facing those ppl those stressness and 2weeks undone work makes me wanna cry badly

i can have tears in my eyes now if i think a little deep more

just a little more

can u see how stress i am ?

yea i know , i am

nhnmmd , wo hen stress lo

i want dota =)

this is Jensen aka Dean

dont know why i just wanna upload his picture all of the sudden

it suppose to be some emo blahs pic

well , random !

wish for a good monday peeps

mwackss

er xin i know

You never appreciate the effort i put into this

I couldn't let you walk around thinking it's alright to let me down

I gave you all my precious love and anything you wanted from me

You didn't hear me calling for your care after all this time

You can't deny what I'm feeling is real

I stood around, stood by your side went through all the hurt and pain

And you turned and walked away

What a feeling it's for real and that's not what love's about

what's next

just so many happenings in office .
feel a lil frustrated but im alright , so far ..

be brave people =)

笑着面对

and everything is gonna be okay
=)


tomorrow's a better day
it will be one .
GoodNight


xoxo

faith .

i dont care , it doesnt matter .

fact is.. it isn't worth , not even a drop of tear .

get over it and pretend its just that i was blind .

i was wrong about it i guess , it still hurts no matter what .

nothing but nothing

im something when u've got nothing .
we talked , we laughed , we were best friends .

when u've got that someone , im nothing .
unreasonable , bitchy , whatever u call me .

its hurt that to see these much differences .
but there s nothing i can do ..
bcz that even you , couldn't understand .

fake a smile and say im okay with it .
no , you know thats not me in front of you .
fake s not the way if that someone really meant something to me .
whats the point if we can't be real to each other .

you never gonna truly understand
totally feel like im just a replacement when u had nothing .

it sucks .

thats it

i do like feel like jot down everything that meant something .
but im lazy , and somemore speechless .
its like u needa think twice to post somethings incase .... u know ~ who knows its another not acceptable n become a happening topic
there are always lots of issues running thru my head that sometimes it has almost got me insane .
i dont know .
i wanted to share but i dont like to be judge , behind my back .
n i dont know too if im strong enough to face the hmmm.. 'frenly advice' neither .
u know he has changed a lot . so much ironic and full of lies than before . thats definitely not him , not the one im used to be with .
maybe its caused by me but yeaaa..things just wont work .
when i try to talk , all he does s depreciating himself . i dont know , he s trying to let me know something . to let me ... not to talk about him ? when u got that something in you , its just gonna piss u off .
he just cant understand what im talking about , that makes me real fed up .
he oftenly stall off me when we chat and when i ask him dont do that , he will asked something like .. i go toilet got wrong ? .. hello ? ohmy , its just so wrong with our communication
eventually , when he s trying to talk with me , i chose to keep quite cz i know he wont get the point forever . somemore he quite suang with it that i kept quite so he goes more than over , and THAT , lead to something big .
and i started to hesitate shud we even continue in this way
what 'd u do if u and your partner 've no mutual way to communicate .
to hold on a relation that you already doubted if its would even last , its pathetic .
u know its gonna end sooner or later yet u greedily wanted it love n blindly hold on until the one last second , its tragic .
miracle just wont happen , stop expecting n eventually u stop disappointing
well well , i hope its just pms . hope everything s gonna be fine . still hoping yea ?

oh well

sometimes , i wish i can not be harsh .
i wanted to think rational .
i always think that the ppl i likelovecare ' shud ' carelovelike me ,
but then i probably has forgotten that i am not quite a good person , never enough to be one .
if only u think u 're perfect , that u had never done wrong .
think twice .
you've been tagged as well when u 're tagging ppl .

S.T.R.E.S.S

just now , afternoon , 3pm-ish
just when i got the best time to finish my tonssssssss of work
one of the bosses - ahboy (cute right~) , call me to his office
for some sort of mini meeting ~
its around hmm 1 and a half hour .
whats cool
half hour on meeting yet he spent an hour on the phone and F.O.R.C.E me to stay
when hes finally done
he gave this conclusion :

so ~ u think of a good plan and tell me asap okays . ba , thats all !

zhen de shi nao hia ni ma ma yiiu gou li .
lao niang wasted an hour just to sit there and listen to him bullshit (REAL CRAP) with dontknowwho .

when i got back to my seat .
staring at those mountainhigh paperss
and now i sincerely get whats
欲哭无泪 !

once u were tagged . it takes ages to remove .
everything u done , its a sin . whatever u said , it sounds wrong .
thats life .

ollo ~

it has been awhile i didn crap here again . hello peeps .
im back , for a post =)

so , finally .
i got myself a new job .
apparently , it sucks .
i only can say , work in a big company s really really stress
its like , everyone s waiting to see u fail . or perhaps , they want u to fail .
nearly 2months i work here , i told myself everyday single day that i want to quit .
i don’t like it here , i don’t like the ppl here
yes , i like the job . i can learn more , but not with the ppl here
how u gonna learn when all those ppl are not even willing to teach .
and when something goes wrong . they will claim that you ‘re the one who did it .
so ~ what next ?

its stress , but responsibility made me ‘ve no choice .




xxx




im back from kL , too .
its not as i expected
although , there are always things that we cant accept . yet , we cant deny it pun .
but i guess nowadays , friends were meant to be like this .
overall , its still a fun one ^^
we shall ‘ve more plan on the next one .

i wanna go sg , i wanna go thailand , i wanna go hk ! mami wanna go taiwan ~
alright , i wan more shoppiiiiiiiiiing !
i seriously enjoying keep buying like no tmr . siokkkkkkkkkk dieeeeeeee !
awwww , wo miss there edii .
=( sigh




xxx



i’ve got no new year resolution .
shud i say , i don’t have any hmm.. dream ?
maybe pms , but life makes me feel so miserable .
don’t know what to do next .
cant see what lies ahead me .
i hate this stress , i don’t want it inside me everyday .
i don’t have options . tsk !




xxx



and , YJX’s flewwwwwwww .
being emo since yesterday .
not pms i think , ‘ at least ’ i have not on fire YET . i wonder why
but yess , im shitty emoo .
it makes me feeeel , everyone s falling apart .
devil in my head s telling me YES , you all are gonna be like strangers very soon *devil laugh*
fuck it . but i think he s right .
what more than try harder to make a frenship a real frenship .


everything suckssssssssss .

wo lei le .

seriously , im tired le .

because of that stick . u lied and lied and lied and lied and……
u always said u will quit . and u always failed .

sometimes im not asking you to quit but at least smoke less .
u said you will . and u failed too .

and when i said , at least ask for a permission . for what u so call a respect
u said okay , u will . and u failed again .

when i said only 1 or 2 .
u said okay .

when i didn know .
u say it was just 1 or 2

when it goes to 4 or 5
u pretend that u forgot our deal .

when i look at you .
u pretend that u forgot again , to ask me 1st .

when i question it .
u said , 5 is less enough .

actually , i wonder who actually the one u want to hold everyday .
the stick , or me ?

without that little stick . u gonna suffer . u gonna have symptoms . u will feel like dying . u gonna miss that stick every single second . u want it god damn much , more than anything in this world . not even your health may vary the priority .

without me . nothing s gonna happen . some more , u’ve freedom . what more , u’ve that stick to keep you accompany . to release your ‘ stress ’ .
even more , u will have bunch of your bros telling you , so what about girl ? all girls shud shut up .
sounds great eyy ?


girls , we such a loser .

^o)

tell me what are the differences between giving up and moving on .

it confused me .
i tot when u gave up , then you moved on .

how people gonna move on IF they didn’t give it up ?

how people gonna move on IF they never let it goes ?

or maybe insisting the word move on instead of give up makes people sound with more….. dignity ?
perhaps in singlish - die wan face .
is this what we so called human nature ?

in my world , promises vanished when people decided to give up .
they fall , they failed , they moved on with their new life .

in my world , insisting what you insisted meant nothing .
still ,
those blablashitt vanished .

yet ,
its not like what had been said .

so ,
what you think ?

move on without giving up
sounds more like a joke .
because i can see no blablashitt here with me no moree .

izit there s only 1 type of relation left ? i tot things could be better than now .
IF you’re right , IF u insisted only 1choice you made , where have you been ?

im bored , so imma blog .
im emo todayy , many things come up in mind .
bad one , good one .

i’ve got nothing to do in office today but to pretend like i do .
this is tiring .
im waiting for msgs . waiting me Da Yi Ma comes visit . waiting the boss to call me for interview . waiting dec to reach . waiting money drops from sky . waiting you to reach me . waiting him too , to reach me . sounds like i busy enough ?
i just wanted someone who can be with me 7/24 . not physically ofcz , mentally , truly .

i apologize .
but i really feel aint good with this . its nothing same as before .
feel like , im distance – ed .
i might forgot the equation 1 + 1 = 2 could not be working at this time .
know longer doesn’t meant anything i guess , what important is , who you are attach with . and maybe , who shows more .

=)

Don’t really know but yet i think i know why , i keep ku xiao today . or perhaps , leng xiao . just what happen . understanding but not quite , this s fucky .
Just as i quote ,
I wish i can read your mind , but i scared the truth might hurt me .
but rather than staying here ban tian diao , i rather to take the step .
i wished i’ve got to choose the traits like the Sim does .

aiks !
da yi ma , can u come faster ?

all of the sudden , i rmb someone once asks me , whos the one i dote on the most , i said you . same question goes to you , same answer comes back to me .
it does bring back memories =)




i want…..to sleep !

interview

alright , i effing nervous for no reason .

not exactly cz of the interview , i think probably the things imma face after it .

yes , my ladyboss !

it should be nth to worry about .

yes yes , nothing !

if i really wanna worry , i should be worrying the fund of buying new clothsssssss . HAHA .

aiks .

im guess im totally 语无伦次 now =s .

been keep murmur in my heart since morning , thats why im here right now .

alright im random .

interview interview !

hope EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING goes smoooooooooooth .

WISH ME LUCKS

HEY YOU ! I SAY

W I S H M E L U C K S !!

p/s : imma curse u if you dont !