Schizophrenia

hmm.
im not, not yet. don't worry.
but yea...almost.

i drove to his house.
instead of his car, i saw 4285 as well.
..
...

i know they were playing happily inside.
i was alone.

i know they were drinking siokly inside.
i was still alone.

can't stop thinking negative.
has he ever think about me ?
while he was drinking having fun, has he spare some tot about what have i been doing ?
am i alone? was i ok?

nope nope, i had nothing.

i drove around, i don't want to go back.
i don't want to stay in that room myself.
since our argument meant nothing for him, he sleeps as usual, he plays as usual.
what am i ?

why the fuck i stay awake for 2days. why the fuck i keep expecting him to reach me.

i lost, agen..
i was alone, it was dark. i turn turn and turn i don't know how to get out.
Finally there s one car passed by me i decided to follow him/her, i tot he/she may leads me out.
but its not.
He/she is going back home im still lost im still alone i don't know who can i call i don't know what can i do.
fuck.
cry cry cry.. what else ? cry... wtf.

somehow i manage to get back home.
sat infront of the mirror, facing the pp inside seeing how silly she was.
i talked to her, ask her stop waiting stop expecting.
Its time for her to know when to stop, when to learn to stand up herself.
she bites herself again, but its useless.
Tears are still falling, heart is still aching.

After all, im still alone.
god knows how much i hate to be alone.

what if im hurt, he cares ?
maybe~

She found a cutter, leave a small cut on her hand.
hurt...blood...but its not enough.
she has no guts to make it more deeper. it hurts.

Finally i've got his msg. we've been thru some quarrelled agen.
he said he wanted to sleep, asking me to sleep early as well.
like how ?
he actually can sleep pretty well under those conditions.
nice one.
i, like it..

The girl's inside the mirror, closed her eyes.
gave herself a another big cut without thinking.
ouch, it really hurts. it does.
yeap..bleed.. more blood more pain..thats what she needs.
=)

fuck, she so depraved.

Why the fuck that she is the only one who shivers alone in the night.
Did someone knows that she is really scare.
Did someone ever cares.


stop bleeding, stop crying.
just cant stop thinking.
cant stop sobbing.


xxx


the scar.. its so obvious..
feel no regret =)
i've to wear long sleeve now to cover it to prevent someone see it and cooked me up.
The red scars don't fit my skin at all.
=)

rest assured i wont do it anymore.
i mean umm, i 'll try my best of not doing it.
yea i still want my pretty nice skin.
Its too late now.
Just yea, as a lesson ba.


xxx


its late night again and im still alone.
where s him?
he s drinking. He asked me to sleep early and don't think too much.
teach me how and i'll give it a try.