Constantly think negative.

Constantly think negative.
=)

I shouldn’t behave like this. They won’t like to see me this way.
C’mon~ step out and get over yourself.
=)

I was with him last night.
He suddenly dragged me out from the bed ask me to get changed.
Was shocked, I don’t wanna out. But yea, don’t know how should I talk to him.
He stepped out and I was still hugging myself on bed.
Thinking what should I do to stay in the room?
Tell him im sick? Im tired? Im lazy? I mensus cp pain don’t want walk?
Don’t know how many minutes past till I heard the knock.

: enn ~ wait.

So what shud I wear ? the scars zz…1..2..3..4..5..6..7.. 7cuts~
Long sleeve~ short pant~ jacket..
That should be okay =)

I wonder where we are going. Are we going to meet them? Can I don’t meet them? I don’t want to face them yet. I really don’t.

Please come alone ya, thanks
Please come alone ya, thanks
Please come alone ya, thanks
Please come alone ya, thanks
Please come alone ya, thanks

I can’t get this out of my mind, how many troubles I had brought to them.
Izit my existence really too causing too much inconvenience to them?
no no ~ dear said its not.
He said just sometimes only, sometimes.. It depends on the situation as sometime they just wanna protect me from troubles. Yea maybe. I should trust him =)
Keep telling myself its ok its ok its ok.
It’s not as worst as I thought.
Everything is going to be fine as time flew.

We went mall, he intends to catch a movie but umm no..cinema hen duo ren I bu yao =/. He wants to buy me shoes which I always wanted to have, he wants to buy me cloths since i always complain i have no baju to wear, he wants to bring me go mac.D have my favorite fries since I haven’t eat for a day or more.

: lets go home can? Im tired… cp tong..
: nvm la I’ll drive around =)
: errr.. o.

He just couldn’t understand. I know he’s trying to cheers me up.
But why he is doing this suddenly? Bring me out unexpectedly, want to watch cartoon with me so suddenly. He’s guilty? bcause he had left me alone for few days? is this some sort of replacement? He’s never been doing this before. So ya, its just because he guilty so he doing this?
==.

Soon, we reached dear house oO. Face to face I don’t know what should I talk to him.

=)
Enn enn ~ smile is the best way to cover. Smile more and you won’t think more as well.
The unknown pressure makes me feel like crying so much again. Can feel my heartbeat goes wrong and it began to cramp again, ouch.

: I wait in the car k? =)

He said he just wanna takes something but soon I realize that everyone was in the car and we were ready to go kb tehteh. Shit..

They were talking, I was smiling =). They were talking about how much fun they had the night before, I was still smiling and thinking I been alone because he was told to go alone =). They were sharing about the story the night before, still the smile on my face while im touching my scar underneath the cloth feel the pain and speak to myself its ok, its over =).

Feel like crying so much at that moment.

Its ok, its ok.
Its not the 1st time nor last.
What goes around comes around.
Just face it.
Its ok =)
Just listen to them.
Its ok =)
Just talk to them.

Im gonna be alright as its just the matter of time. =)